My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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