well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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