1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
