its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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