the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
