Redeem this text for a blowjob
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
