if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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