I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
