im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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