A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
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i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
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Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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