how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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