the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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