you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
