She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
