she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
