Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
