i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
