I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
