Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just gift wrapped bread.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
