You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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