I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
