nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
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Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
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Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Holy sore nipples Batman
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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