Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
