My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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