My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
