I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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