I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
