Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
