I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
