Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We had sex on a dog bed..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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