bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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