All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Come see our sink grown plant.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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