I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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