Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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