i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I love you.
Bad choice
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