He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
