Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
