im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
