I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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