mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
