I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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