1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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