If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
