I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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