Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
