one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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