last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so let's talk penis.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
