were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
