so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
