Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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