meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Randomize
