are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The feeling are messing with the penis
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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