Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
