Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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