is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
