I think my vagina is haunted
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
40s are totally the cure
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
