he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
