Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
