Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
