turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
