Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
