I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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