i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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