she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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