Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
