seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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