i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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