Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
