Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
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They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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