dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I want a musical about memes.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
