i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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