Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
