He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
