he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
