I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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