we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
